Finding Your Child's Next Friendship Mini-Step
A quick note: I'm talking about kids in school here, but this applies to your adult child too.
It's October. Your child has had time with a routine and with the same group of kids, but for many kids, that doesn't mean they're used to it yet.
Settling in can take a lot longer, and that's OK.
Still, this is a good time for two questions:
Where are your child's friendships right now?
What could the next mini-step be?
How Friendships Grow
"Friend" can mean a lot of different things, so I like to give kids (and parents) more specific words. Friendships often grow in this order:
Class-friend: someone your child is friendly with in class, but it stays in class
School-friend (or recess-friend): in the same class or not, they spend time together at recess, lunch, or before and after school, but only at school
Outside-of-school-friend: someone your child also spends time with away from school
It may seem like a small thing, but these words can keep a conversation going or shut it down.
"How's your friend, Emma?" If my definition of "friend" doesn't match my child's definition, there's a mismatch, which adds confusion or strain in our conversation.
"How's your class-friend, Emma?" That might feel accurate to them. And when it feels accurate, they're more likely to keep talking with me.
Here's the Important Part
Class-friend might be exactly where your child feels happy and successful right now. If that's the case, that's OK.
Moving up isn't always the goal. Your child feeling good about their connections is.
Questions You Can Ask Your Child
"Is there a class-friend you would want to make into a recess-friend?"
"Is there a school-friend you want to make into an outside-of-school-friend?"
Every Mini-Step Counts
Any step toward the goal is a win. Focus on the win, not on what didn't happen yet.
Coming up in two weeks: two simple ways to help your child take that next mini-step from school-friend to outside-of-school-friend.
Want to go deeper? Every child grows at their own pace. Friendship Foundations™ is a $17 mini-course on the four foundations that come before social growth:
Trust before teaching
The Growth & Mastery Cycle
Shared joy
A sense of belonging
It includes 6 short video lessons (27 minutes total), plus printable visuals and an In-the-Moment Guide.
📚 You might also enjoy reading my other blogs:
Friendships: Turn Reflections Into Next Steps
Having the skill is not the same as being able to access the skill
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